fate as malleable as clay

This has been a week of such goodbyes.  I spent most of the day Wednesday at my old school.  I chose this week to visit in hopes that I wouldn’t run into many students, but there were a few running around whose parents teach or administrate or other such things.  I went into the gym and saw some kids playing basketball, one of whom was D, who is now entering third grade.  She and I had opportunity to work alone a couple of times last year, and on one of those times she confided to me that she was dyslexic.  She said it in such a sweet matter-of-fact way.  I always tell my students about my own learning issues in these moments, even if I am not specific, you know.  Anyway, since that day we have had a kind of bond going on, and she is always so sweet and honest and open like kids tend to be.

So, she saw me in the gym and came running over to me, gave me a hug and said, “I thought you were leaving?”
“I am, I just came over to say goodbye.”
“Where are you going?”
“I am going to Georgia for a while, and then to New York City.”
“Because I wanted to try living in some new places.”
“Why?” (Her eyes are getting misty now.)
“well, it’s good to try out some different things every now and then.”
“Do you have to go?”
“Yes, i have to go, but I will really miss you.  Do you want another hug?”

So, this has been the hardest goodbye so far, but there are more to come.  I have been avoiding it with friends I know I will see again, but I am really, really going to have a hard time saying goodbye to this place and all of these people I know.  When I am here alone at my computer and typing it out, I can let myself get weepy and all of that, but I have been avoiding it pretty successfully in the outside world.

Last night was most interesting explaining to my atheist father about this Christian community that I will be a part of for the next four months or so.  He really did seem to get and appreciate the spirit of adventure that has inspired me to move there, but I was even put off by the Christian aspect of the place at first, and I am not an atheist.  Diner was great, and I realized when I left that it was one of the first times that I was with my dad and talking about my life that I had no apology in my heart, you know.  I content with having made this decision that I don’t bother with the waiting for approval part of talking to people about it.

That doesn’t that I am not freaking out about how I am going to survive, especially once I get to Brooklyn in January, but I am making a concerted effort to keep thoughts of prosperity in my mind, I mean, it couldn’t hurt!